Random Jokes

[deftonekid]

why did the chicken cross the road?
































to get to the otherside.

best joke ever lol

[hydroponic82]

thank you araz .. thank you.

im here on tuesday and thursday nights . tips and ganj would be appreciated.

: )

[deftonekid]

thank you araz .. thank you.

im here on tuesday and thursday nights . tips and ganj would be appreciated.

: )

ur tip will be a karma kick

[Assassin]

thank you araz .. thank you.

im here on tuesday and thursday nights . tips and ganj would be appreciated.

: )

You're welcome Divad. And I can tip with the dough but not with the weed yo.

[DeftonesATF27]

So someone asks me today "hey do you want a coke, son?" and i said "what? you mean do i want some coke?" then he said "oh hey man you gotta alittle on you kid? i need a fix real bad." I ssaid "yeah come on man lets go to the conveience store" "so where it be man where it be" then i handed him a 12 pack and he was up all night being a spaz and was up all night bumming quaters then some stranger capped his ass. He never mad it back to his home, i mean his box.

So the moral of the story is Coca cola addiction is an epidemic so dont get caught up!

[Chrisbo]

You know what, I'm fucking glad this thread got revived, it was my bitch! It's gonna remain my bitch, sorry Brooke! But yeah, jokes, that's what life is all about!

Who wants Jack Daniels



There you go there's some! What a fucking joke!

[vida_mae]

oh wait.. i have the best joke!!!

okay theres this guy and girl and they go out on a date.. at an amusement park..

oh wait..

haha, i have to get it right.  um . . they go on the ferris wheel. and then, shit! brb!

[BloodyKnifePrty]

A man comes home to see that his girlfriend has her bags packed.  The man says, "what are you doing, honey?"  She says, "I'm leaving you because you're a pedophile."  The man says,"You know, pedophile is a very big word for a five year old."

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A man's wife is ill so he takes her to the doctor.  The doctor tells him that they have narrowed down the disease to two possibilities: AIDS or alzheimers.  The man is devistated and asks the doctor what he should do.  So the doctor says drive around for a while until you're disoriented and then drop your wife off and drive home.  If your wife makes it back, don't fuck her.

[tarkil]

A man's wife is ill so he takes her to the doctor.  The doctor tells him that they have narrowed down the disease to two possibilities: AIDS or alzheimers.  The man is devistated and asks the doctor what he should do.  So the doctor says drive around for a while until you're disoriented and then drop your wife off and drive home.  If your wife makes it back, don't fuck her.

[Martin]

Haha

[Chrisbo]

Hahaha! Good one, good one!



A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender can't help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange.

The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times. "One day," he begins, "I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream."

"No shit?" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.

"Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes."

"Keep going!"

I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, "You now have three wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

"What next?" begged the bartender.

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!

Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How 'bout a little head?"

[Martin]

HAhahahahahah

[BloodyKnifePrty]

A guy gets fired from McDonalds 'cause he doesn't know how to make a big mac.  So he gets a job as a school bus driver for first graders.  Since they were young kids he decided to paint Sesamae Street characters on the bus.  So on the first day he starts going to all the houses.  At the first one a fat girl walks out and and says "hi, my name is Patricia".  At the second house another fat girl walks out and says "hi, my name is Patty".  At the third house this retarded kid walks out and say "hi, my name is Ross and my mommy says I'm special".  At the fourth house this nerdy kid walks out and says "hi, I'm Lester Cheese".  So they drive off to school.  On the way the bus driver looks back and sees Lester picking at his feet and asks what he's doing.  Lester says he has bad bunions.  So they get to school and the driver drops the kids off.  While going home he meets his old boss who tells him that he can get his job back if he can tell him how to make a big mac.  The drivers says that he can't do that but he could tell him who drove to school that day:  two all-beef Pattys, special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions on a Sesamae Street bus

[Chrisbo]

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you did not take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom."

Lesson of the day...Don't Lie To Your Mother.

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Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems.

The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour, 'cause my pee barely trickles out."

"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".

The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig.

The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."

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A Girl was in her bed when she hears TITS AND BOOBS! TITS AND BOOBS! so she gets scared and runs into her parents room and asked to sleep with them.

Then she asked what tits and boobs are.

Her mom replys, "coats and hats dear."

The next day they are having company over and her farther is in the bathroom shaving. He cuts himself and yells, "SHIT!!!"

The girl asked "what does that mean?" and he replys, "shaving cream dear."

Her mother is downstairs cooking a turkey. She burns the turkey and yells, "FUCK!!!"

The girl asks her, "what does that mean?" and she says "cutting the turkey dear."

Then the guests arrive and the girl goes and answers the door and says, "Hi my parents are busy rite now. You can put your tits and boobs on the coat hanger. My dads putting shit on his face and my moms fucking the turkey."

[indychino]

Whats the difference bewteen Michael Jackson and acne?

Acne waits till your 13 before it comes on your face

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Whats blue and shakes in the corner?

A baby in a plastic bag

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How do you stop a baby from spinning around in a circle?

nail its other hand to the floor.

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[Sam]

I don't get those dead baby jokes or whatever.  They're so stupid and like...don't have a punchline at all.

[indychino]

I don't get those dead baby jokes or whatever.  They're so stupid and like...don't have a punchline at all.

thats the whole point of them...numb nuts

[knifeprty954]

ur momma so ugly when she looked in the mirror the mirror said "wtf???"

[Far away]

Whats the difference bewteen Michael Jackson and acne?

Acne waits till your 13 before it comes on your face

lolz

[tarkil]

Whats the difference bewteen Michael Jackson and acne?

Acne waits till your 13 before it comes on your face

lolzZzZzzZZZzzZZZzZZZzzzzZzZZzZZZzz     good one