Random Jokes

[TheProzacFairy]

I'm  bored and I know i'm not the only one so.....

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

[TheProzacFairy]

Q: How do you get a zombie baby into a bowl?

A: A blender.

Q: How do you get them out?

A: Doritos.

[Jacob]

I'm not laughing.

haha, good one Jacob, good one....

[TheProzacFairy]

I find it fuckin hilarious that I'm -18 

[DeftonesATF27]

I want to BUTT BANG YOU.

[TheProzacFairy]

My butt is waiting for the bang 

[TheProzacFairy]

btw..just out of curiosity...Why am I the most smited member on the board? I mean if you guys are trying to hurt my feelings you're not succeeding cause i actually think this is funny shit..but I'd just like to know you guys honest answer. Be straight w/ me i'm a big girl i can handle it. 

[TheProzacFairy]

ya'll are a bunch of pussies! go ahead smite me as many times as you can..i'll just sit back and laugh. fuckers

[Fireal1222]

im not racist, but this is a great joke


why aren't there any black people in the flinstones?


they were still monkeys then



why aren't they in the jetsons?



who cares, as long as they arent in the future

[hydroponic82]

you may not be racist...

but those  jokes are.

heres one:


a dude fucks a 10 dollar whore and gets crabs .....he says "BITCH...you gave me crabs"    she says " For 10 dolllars what did you expect Jon ? Lobster?"

[minus_blindfold]

A Mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married, and mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started. She made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex was going.

The first daughter sent a card from her honeymoon in Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". At first mom was puzzled, but she went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good til the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent her card from Vermont a week after the wedding. The card said only: "Benson & Hedges". Mom went to the drawer where her husband kept his cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size". Again mom was slightly embarrassed, but she was happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Mom started to get really worried. Then after a month, the card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky hand writing were the words "British Airways".

Mom took out her latest Harpers Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for BA. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mom fainted ....

[minus_blindfold]

Found these ones just now. some pretty funny ones.

What's the difference between an Essex girl and a walrus?
One is wet, fishy and has a moustache, and the other is a walrus!

What does an Essex girl use for protection during sex?
A bus shelter!

What do you call an Essex girl with a runny nose?
Full!

What's the difference between an Essex girl and a cream egg?
A cream egg costs 20p to lick out!

Why did the blind EG sit on the newspaper?
So she could lip-read!

[fireflyry]

Haha!Nice one man.

btw..just out of curiosity...Why am I the most smited member on the board? I mean if you guys are trying to hurt my feelings you're not succeeding cause i actually think this is funny shit..but I'd just like to know you guys honest answer. Be straight w/ me i'm a big girl i can handle it. 

I hav'nt smited you but did'nt you actually post 2-3 times you wanted to be smited by everyone?

[minus_blindfold]

will someone please applaud me for those jokes.

[BigDave]

will someone please applaud me for those jokes.

yea man those essex girl ones were gold.

[minus_blindfold]

[TheProzacFairy]

Haha!Nice one man.

btw..just out of curiosity...Why am I the most smited member on the board? I mean if you guys are trying to hurt my feelings you're not succeeding cause i actually think this is funny shit..but I'd just like to know you guys honest answer. Be straight w/ me i'm a big girl i can handle it. 

I hav'nt smited you but did'nt you actually post 2-3 times you wanted to be smited by everyone?

no that was DeftonesATF27, I just mentioned that I thought it was funny that i was the most smited.

[Breach Unborn]

knock knock

who's there

little boy blue

little boy blue who?

michael jackson


(that's right. it's old, but still funny)

[fireflyry]

no that was DeftonesATF27, I just mentioned that I thought it was funny that i was the most smited.

Oh....my bad.

[minus_blindfold]

Creation of a pussy
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design.


First was a butcher, with smart wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit,

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole,

Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
by using red velvet, he lined it within,

Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without,

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
threw in a fish and gave it a smell,

Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee,
touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee,

Last was a sailor, dirty little runt,
who sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.