Random Jokes

[bebo]

knock knock

whos there?

you know

you know who?

avada kadavra!

lololololol

[tarkil]

a black baby was given wings by god
-baby:  does this mean im an angel?
-god: Nah nigga, ure a bat !!

Ha ha ha, this one is great !!!

[emotivelotion]

a black baby was given wings by god
-baby:  does this mean im an angel?
-god: Nah nigga, ure a bat !!

Ha ha ha, this one is great !!!

yeah the racist ones are the best

[pissedandpierced]

George Michael was caught with chocolate around his arse. Apparently he had been careless with a wispa.

[occipudding]

hope there isn't another one.  looked but couldn't find one so i guess i should be safe.  warning: may be offensive to some but hopefully not.  all fun n games n shit.  here:

Tomorrow was Katie's birthday and she was excited
"Guess how old I'm going to be tomorrow!" she yelled to her dad.
"Don't know" he replied, playing along.
"I'll be six!" she replied.
She went into the kitchen and asked her grandpa, "guess how old I'll be tomorrow!"
"To answer this I need you to pull down your pants." he says.
So Katie does this. Her grandfather inserts two fingers into her cunt, moves them around, pulls them out, sniffs, then licks them.
"You'll be six tomorrow" Grandpa says.
"How did you know that?" replies Katie.
"Because I heard you tell your dad"

2 guys are in a bar.  One says to the other, "you know, I could have sex with any woman in this bar."
Other guy says, "oh yeah?  how's that?"
Dude says "I'm a rapist"

What's the difference between bicycles and black folks?
Bicycles don't sing when you chain em together!

(ladies, don't read this next one)
What's pink and slimy and tries to crawl up your leg?
A homesick abortion.

A spic walks into a bar and says, "Hey, nigger, give me a drink." The nigger bartender says, "I'll give you a drink, but I would appreciate it if you wouldn't refer to me as a "nigger." "Oh man!, I am sure sorry about that bro'. Won't happen again." A few minutes later the spic says, "Hey moon crickett, another round." The nigger says,"Hey, look, I really don't want you calling me "moon crickett" either." The spic says,"Sorry bootlips, I didn't mean anything by it." The bartender says, "OK that's it! How would you like it if you were the bartender and I came in here calling you names?" "I don't know, let's find out." So the spic puts on an apron and goes behind the bar and the nigger walks outside and comes back in and shouts, "Hey wetback! I want a fucking drink!" The "bartender" stops washing glasses and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't serve niggers in here."

What do you do after you've had a baby girl?
Turn it over and have it like a baby boy!

A teacher is teaching a class of 10 year olds.
"Today we're going to have a farmyard quiz. John, what noise does a cow make?"
"Mooo, miss" comes the reply.
"Very good. Now, Alison, what noise does a sheep make?"
"Baaaa, miss."
"Excellent! Leroy, what noise does a pig make?"
"What's in the bag, nigger."

What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?
A canoe tips.

Three tampons are coming down the street towards you, a super plus, a regular, and a light. Which one talks to you first?
None of them. They're all stuck up cunts.

What's better than getting a gold medal in the special olympics?
Not being a fucking retard

What's black and screaming?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
You can punch information into a computer.

[Atomic]

Tomorrow was Katie's birthday and she was excited
"Guess how old I'm going to be tomorrow!" she yelled to her dad.
"Don't know" he replied, playing along.
"I'll be six!" she replied.
She went into the kitchen and asked her grandpa, "guess how old I'll be tomorrow!"
"To answer this I need you to pull down your pants." he says.
So Katie does this. Her grandfather inserts two fingers into her cunt, moves them around, pulls them out, sniffs, then licks them.
"You'll be six tomorrow" Grandpa says.
"How did you know that?" replies Katie.
"Because I heard you tell your dad"

that made me lol

2 guys are in a bar.  One says to the other, "you know, I could have sex with any woman in this bar."
Other guy says, "oh yeah?  how's that?"
Dude says "I'm a rapist"

ima use that

[blondie]

kinda' weird how only the rape and incestual molestor jokes made you laugh...

[Atomic]

"What do you do after you've had a baby girl?
Turn it over and have it like a baby boy!"
i liked that one 2



ummm blondie, r u a chick?

[alvarezbassist17]

What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
You can punch information into a computer.

ahahahahahaha omg that's fuckin great.

why do jews have big noses?
because air is free



    A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.  After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

    The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.  Take this gun and kill her."  The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious!  I could never shoot my wife!"   "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

    So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man.  "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair.  Take this gun and kill her."  The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened.  The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes.  "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife.  I guess I'm not the right man for the job."

    "No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

    Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun.   "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test.  Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots.  Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls.  This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.

    The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman.  She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks.  I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"

[tarkil]

By the way :
http://www.sharinglungs.com/index.php?topic=7516.0

[Atomic]

.

[blondie]

George Michael was caught with chocolate around his arse. Apparently he had been careless with a wispa.

[devilinside]

AHAH!

[goldpony]

2 guys walk inot a bar, the third one ducks

2 pollacks are out hunting. one says to the other "man, i gotta shit but don't have anything to wipe with." "use a dollar, " his friend said. a couple minutes later, the guy comes out from behind a bush with his hands covered in shit. "great," he said, "not only am i covered in shit but now i have 4 quarters up my ass."

2 pollacks are going hunting. along the way they see a sign that says Bear Left. so they went home.

whats grosser than gross?: a dead baby
whats grosser than that?: a dead baby in the road
whats even grosser than that?: peeling it off your tire

whats red and white and spins around and around? a dead baby in a blender

[claudio]

why does Michael Jackson like 25 year olds?
Cause there are 20 of them

[Inkblades]

A little boy and an old man are walking through the woods at night.

"Gee, mister, I sure am scared." The little boy says.
"You're scared? What about me? I'll have to walk back to my car all by myself." The old man replies.

[whodunit?]

2 pollacks are out hunting. one says to the other "man, i gotta shit but don't have anything to wipe with." "use a dollar, " his friend said. a couple minutes later, the guy comes out from behind a bush with his hands covered in shit. "great," he said, "not only am i covered in shit but now i have 4 quarters up my ass."

2 pollacks are going hunting. along the way they see a sign that says Bear Left. so they went home.

i'll pretend i haven't seen those 



- mom? does a shoemaker make shoes?
- yes.
- ok. does a firefighter fight fires?
- of course, darling.
- so does a shoplifter lift shops?

[goldpony]

2 pollacks are out hunting. one says to the other "man, i gotta shit but don't have anything to wipe with." "use a dollar, " his friend said. a couple minutes later, the guy comes out from behind a bush with his hands covered in shit. "great," he said, "not only am i covered in shit but now i have 4 quarters up my ass."

2 pollacks are going hunting. along the way they see a sign that says Bear Left. so they went home.

i'll pretend i haven't seen those 



- mom? does a shoemaker make shoes?
- yes.
- ok. does a firefighter fight fires?
- of course, darling.
- so does a shoplifter lift shops?

haha, sorry, it was the way the joke was told to me.

[tarkil]

I heard one of the most racist ever this week end... Gotta love it !!!!

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb ?
















































2 : 1 to change the light bulb, and 1 to smoke crack.... 

[Atomic]

lol