I'm not worthy

[charissa]

Hiya, Charissa, 31.@charissawg on twitter.  Big fan of buddhist mentality, nature/outdoors, holistic/organic living, beauty/quality in all things. Still sorting it all out.

Currently residing in the lovely Poconos (can you feel the sarcasm?). FT mama to my feisty and extraordinary 2 y.o. daughter who keeps me in check. Married to my hubby. I'm a cum laude college grad and currently work part time as a virtual assistant from home and also assist my mom at her B&B/Art Studio 2 days a week.

Adrenaline has been my go-to fave album (of any band) since I picked up my first copy at Planet Music in Memphis in 1995. I'm not worthy b/c, to be honest, I haven't been a hardcore fan these past 15/16 years. Though I sure as heck am fucking head-over-heels obsessed and in love now and trying to catch up like mad before 9/12/10! I'm really digging Diamond Eyes and getting reacquainted with the band and all the albums again (I always bought 'em and listened to them when they came out but never gave them the full attention they deserve until now).

I did go to the 6/2/07 show in Philly, which was pretty darn cool, but *could* have been much better. Problem is, none of my friends up here are fans.  Hubby refused to go to that one with me b/c he has a serious fear of crowds unless they are NASCAR related, a side effect of growing up in rural NJ, perhaps? Anyhow, his buddy agreed to go w/ me. We did have a decent night, but the d-bag refused to go up front so we stood at the edge of the pit on the left-hand side. grrr. This from a girl who (aprox) 11 years prior to that night held her own up front at Biohazard/Sepultura at 616 in Memphis with bleeding thumbs from holding on to the rail b/c I wouldn't give up my spot and even scored a guitar pick from Andreas Kisser. Also had the fucking time of my life around the same year in the pit at Tool at the New Daisy on Beale St. FUCKING AWESOME, religious experience.

FF to 2010: I cannot contain my excitement about going to the 9/12 show.

BUT my excitement is curtailed by the buzz-kill that is my husband's temper/fear of crowds: This time he's insisted on coming w/ me though he's consistently expressed his profuse dislike of crowds and that he is not a fan of the band. I must admit it's a little disheartening. I would GLADLY share my second diamond VIP ticket with a TRUE fan, in fact, I would be elated to! I think the only reason he's going w/ me is because he doesn't want/trust me to go with anyone else (since it would have to be someone I don't know since I've already asked everyone I know locally). Another damper: since I've been living in the Poconos and met hubby I've experienced crippling driving anxiety which I fucking hate. I guess I'm probably coming off as a bit of a whiner and perhaps full of excuses, but I'm trying to be bluntly honest here. Each day I try to get  him excited about the show and encourage him to learn some lyrics or watch some youtube videos, but tonight he reiterated he'd "rather go into it blind." To which I replied, "you do realize we are going to be right up front?" He said, "I can't fucking stand being bumped into...I'm going to get kicked out." I said, "you'll have to wait for me 'til the end of the show b/c I'm not missing it!" and he said, "you're gonna have to find a ride home then." Boo!!! It's all his fear and insecurity talking, but I'm seriously concerned about it. His crowd fear is as crippling as my lame-ass panic attacks I get while driving, and well, anger is a product of fear, and that's a prime environment for him to lose his temper. I am PRAYING that this can be an opportunity for us to have a fun time together and for him to momentarily set aside his fear. Hmmn, perhaps a good compromise would be if I were to drive to the show thereby doing something outside of my comfort level. I'd also purchased presale pit tickets to Camden before the Allentown show was announced, but those are on StubHub right now. I'd really like to take them down and use them, but reading all the nonsense I just wrote, I'm guessing that I'd really be pressing my luck.

I dunno..... I'm so happy to have joined this forum so I can be amongst others who feel the same adoration for the deftones! I hope you guys will accept me even though I'm a little late to the party.

Thanks a million! I'm grateful to be here.

[Sea Bass]

welcome.

"keep it simple" I like that.

[Mothman]

Welcome to the board, charissa

[lostpilot]

Hello. What a promising introduction.

[charissa]

Aww, thank you for the warm welcome! You guys are great!

Vesanic, oui, je suis la meme fille.

[SX King]

Welcome to the board. Way to make your husband sound like a great guy

[bright lights, big city]

Welcome! and damn Vesanic, you know fucking EVERYBODY

[charissa]

Thanks again everyone for the warm welcome!

Yeah, Vesanic, I speak a little French. I noticed your tag line. Are you in France?

Yeah, sorry, SX King,    I know that doesn't paint the prettiest pic, but I was only trying to be honest and was pretty bummed about it all when I wrote that. He's shown hints of coming around though (read an article this morning and started listening to Diamond Eyes for me)--wohoo!!! If I can manage to keep him in a good mood 'til 9/12 we might be okay. Anyway, how could one NOT like Deftones after learning a little more about them??? I love 'em more and more with every listen, every video watched and every article and lyric I read.  

[charissa]

Ah, even better.

I switched trains in Belgium once. Would love to stay and see it next time!

[charissa]

Gosh, I had to come back and re-read my intro. I can't believe I didn't see back then what a controlling and abusive relationship I was in back then and for 9 years. Hind sight is 20/20. Thank goodness I finally came to my senses and got out!

By the way, I ended up taking one of my best friends to the 9/12/10 show w/ me, the one I bought Adrenaline w/ back in '96 and it ranks high up there as likely the best day of my life! Now I have 5/13/11 to look forward to!!

[charissa]

Well if you're feeling better this way, I'm all glad for ya.

Thanks man, feeling much better actually. It's weird all my friends are saying "good for you," and my mom told me I'm acting a lot more like the girl I used to be (that's a good thing).

[wheresmysnare]

I'm not trying to be an dick head but your intro doesn't seem to point to your ex-boyfriend being controlling, just sounds like he has a fear of crowds and doesn't listen to Deftones.

[charissa]

That's okay. I was really holding back and trying to be as nice as possible about him, yet still honest when I wrote it. I was also trying not to be a dick.