To tell someone that you have feelings for her...

[ToneDef]

Any updates on this situation theis?

I have a similar situation, and I don't know what's worse to be honest.
Told one of my best friends that I really like her, and she reciprocated - however she's never had a boyfriend (26 y.o) and reckons the idea scares her (trust issues apparently). Now, we hook up, get pissed and fool around - but the vibe is totally different when we are sober.

My mates think I'm a sad c*nt for perservering for so long, and are under the opinion that I only "think" I want her coz I haven't slept with her yet - which for what it's worth I think is way off.

But I have my suspicions I could be wasting my time. I have sabotaged 2-3 relationships with other people coz I have this girl constantly on my mind.
It's a fkn conundrum.

move ahead man. There-s nothing worse than loosing somebody you feel attracted to for the mere fact of thinking twice, thrice. etc.

Yeah man, get it all out, if she doesn't know, get out of it. She'll either come running or won't.

I had my fair share of women trouble. A good chunk. Seize all you can. Fuck a lot of girls. Taste all the flavours.

[Jacob]

I've managed to put myself in trouble yet again. you never know how deep in you are until it's too late I guess.

I might be exaggerating a bit, but let's just say the confusion and worrying is fucking frustrating. why can't people just be straightforward and say what's on their mind? how hard can it be?

[tarkil]

why can't people girls just be straightforward and say what's on their mind? how hard can it be?

Corrected....

A solution may be to turn gay !    

[ToneDef]

That kinda nervous, hot, sweaty, panicky feeling man. Where you're sitting there in a good mood one minute, then a quick flash of what's bothering you and BAM.. it hits you and puts you on a downer. Where you'll stick in your headphones to take your mind off of shit, only to have to take them out 10 minutes later because you're not even concentrating on the music anymore...

Girls do that the most.

Then money.

Having an abundance of either, though, makes my dick hard.

[tarkil]

Having an abundance of either, though, makes my dick hard.

that made my day (not your hard dick though, let's get this clear)...  

[the deft ones]

That kinda nervous, hot, sweaty, panicky feeling man. Where you're sitting there in a good mood one minute, then a quick flash of what's bothering you and BAM.. it hits you and puts you on a downer. Where you'll stick in your headphones to take your mind off of shit, only to have to take them out 10 minutes later because you're not even concentrating on the music anymore...

Girls do that the most.

Then money.

Having an abundance of either, though, makes my dick hard.

That's it man. Fuck, we sound like pussies - but it's so true.
The hardest part is knowing that you've found someone that compliments you perfectly, but for whatever reason you can't have them. Its bull and shit.

[ToneDef]

Having an abundance of either, though, makes my dick hard.

that made my day (not your hard dick though, let's get this clear)... 

You wanna suck it, Frenchy?

That kinda nervous, hot, sweaty, panicky feeling man. Where you're sitting there in a good mood one minute, then a quick flash of what's bothering you and BAM.. it hits you and puts you on a downer. Where you'll stick in your headphones to take your mind off of shit, only to have to take them out 10 minutes later because you're not even concentrating on the music anymore...

Girls do that the most.

Then money.

Having an abundance of either, though, makes my dick hard.

That's it man. Fuck, we sound like pussies - but it's so true.
The hardest part is knowing that you've found someone that compliments you perfectly, but for whatever reason you can't have them. Its bull and shit.

Haha, yeah it sucks man. My ex left me like almost a year ago and I still think of her every day. It's crazy. I was with her a couple years. Talking about marriage, kids etc. I fucked it up and I regret it but what can I do? She got with some huge, black guy for a while. To say that made me lose some sleep is an understatement.

But I'm seeing someone else right now and she's super cool. She's fucking hot too. I was unloading within seconds the first few times I slept with her. Real fucking American Pie shit. I got knocked out by some douche outside a club a few weeks ago. Got concussion and shit. The next day she was at my door with a McDonald's and a pack of painkillers. I'm happy, you know? I moved in with some of my boys and I have a lot of fun. And the thing with this girl is nice and chilled.

You lose a lot of yourself in a relationship because you're having to compromise to make that relationship work. It takes time and effort. Savour the time you have being single because when you finally meet THE fucking girl, you're gonna have to make sacrifices to make it really work I guess.

I don't really know what I'm saying, but enjoy life, man.

[the deft ones]

That's it Tonedef.
Didn't mean to make this thread about me (if you're reading Theis), but aside from the bitching - there's some cool cats around here and I value a different opinion.
Glad to hear your shit's working out though mate, breakups are fuct - no matter who instigates it, but I'm a firm believer of everything happening for a reason - and shit always works itself out.
Whatever doesn't kill ya...and all that.

[Jacob]

why can't people girls just be straightforward and say what's on their mind? how hard can it be?

Corrected....

A solution may be to turn gay !     

you're right, girls aren't people. and yes, I've actually considered the possibility of being gay. but I'm not, and there's really not much to do about it.

anyways, long story short - I've met a girl a few weeks ago when I was visiting my home town. I go there pretty much every weekend now, so we've hung out for a few weekends. we haven't gotten further than kissing and sleeping in the same bed, but it's been really cool. the problem is that I have to take all initiative all the time, I'm the one who has to text her, call her or whatever. shit, she doesn't even say hi when we're both sitting on Facebook for hours. but when we actually meet, she seems really into me. we talked quickly last time I met her and I was pretty damn drunk so I can't remember every litle detail, but I just asked what she thinks about us hanging out like this and she said that she likes it, otherwise she wouldn't do it, but then she added "just no expectations". didn't bother me at first, I just thought she meant to take things slow. but the more I think about it, the more it worries me and the more I feel like this guy who just keeps at it and won't leave her alone. so I guess I should back off for a while. but seeing as how I'm the one who visits I need to tell her I'm in town, right? I can't just hope for her to check with him wether I'm coming to town or not. so yeah, I really have no idea what to do right now.... part of me just wants to drop it and simply not bother. but she's such an awesome girl, I just don't want to let her slip away if there IS any chance of me holding on to her.

[wheresmysnare]

Sorry Jacob, did she say no expectations, as in 'i have no expectations' or did she mean 'you should have no expectations'.

If it's the latter, i would say she isn't serious, a possible fuck buddy but nothing serious. Sorry to be blunt but this is the internet.

If she meant she has no expectations, that means she is has probably been waiting for you to man up for a while and is getting disillusioned as to whether it will ever happen. If this is the case I would personally invite her out to a casual meal, this makes your intentions obvious (i.e you're asking for a 1 on 1 situation) and one way or another you will get some closure on it. There's nothing worse than sitting at home screwing over whether a girl likes you  and feeling like there's nothing you can do about it

Next time she's on facebook make an effort to chat to her. I knew a girl that i used to see out only when i was pissed, she was amazing but I only ever spoke to her when she was drunk and she used to say to me that i was the highlight of her night and drop hints. However, i never made the effort to communicate with her during the day (which in fairness was because she had a boyfriend and i had a girlfreind) but girls - in my opiinon - are more impressed by receiving a sweet message or call from a sober guy during the day then someone acting on dutch courage after several thousand jager bombs.

[ToneDef]

Man, don't be the first to text her, talk to her on Facebook and shit. Whenever you're in town, let her know and ask if she wants to do something. Do something special or cool. Get the train somewhere together, have her really get to know you. Make a day of it.

Maybe after a good day like that, probe for some shit.. try to get a feel for what's going on. If she's still lukewarm, then fuck it. If you do all you can to have her like you when you spend time together then if she likes you, she'll get in touch.

Also, what's her situation? When I first met the girl I'm seeing now, I had a lot on my mind. She was really into me but I didn't make a lot of effort with her if we weren't hanging out. In time though I really grew to like her. I enjoyed her company. It just took some time for me 'cause I was kinda fucked up.

[Jacob]

well, I asked her out right after I met her the second time. we went for a coffee and later a pizza on a Sunday afternoon. the weekend after that we went out again after hanging out a bit the earlier nights. and last weekend I was there after I had slept at her place I asked if she wanted to hang out later that day, and she did. we took a long walk and talked for a good while. I dropped her off at her home and kissed her goodbye. and that's pretty much where I am now - I've said hi to her on Facebook a few times and every time we've talked and it's been nice. I've texted her in the middle of the week just to, you know... show interest. so I've definitely showed more interest while sober than drunk. but I never get the same response back, which is what really bothers me. on the other hand, when she's the one who invited me back to her place, but only after I asked about the situation. it's all very confusing.

and I can't really tell if she meant "you should have no expectations" or "I have no expectations". she just said "no expectations". either way it can be perfectly fine, she might just not have made up her mind yet. but am I supposed to keep showing interest like this until she makes her mind up? it's starting to get pretty annoying.

I guess I'll just have to ask her again next time I see her. but I don't want to come off as too pushy.

ToneDef - like I said above, we've been haning out a lot and she really seemed to enjoy it. last time she told me to call next time I'm in town etc. I think I made my point pretty damn clear by kissing her goodbye. I think the whole thing with me living in another city might be a big problem, even if I visit every weekend. anyways, I'm going there again this weekend and unfortunately I think she's gonna be busy moving house. but I guess I'll just text her and say "I'm in town again, let me know if you want to hang out" or something. not sure about her situation other than that - she mostly studies, and I guess she has a bit on her mind with the move and all. I have no idea if there are any other guys involved and whatnot.

oh, and another detail. I went there on saturday and told her I'd come, and she said she wouldn't be home for the weekend. didn't say why. last night when we talked on FB I asked her where she was, and it turns out she was here in Stockholm where I live. so this means she decided to visit some friend here, without even telling me. I can understand if she wouldn't have had the time to see me, but it'd be a nice gesture to tell me she'd be here you know.

[Law]

Tonedef, you a brutha from another Mutha! Fully respect you and everyone else for taking some time out for some meaningful shit. Good work.

Jacob, I only read this briefly, but you need to probe. I do in these situations, and when I did last time I found out the truth that she wasn't that fussed so I told her to go away but I hate not knowing and Tonedef sai this, it will just keep coming back. But it does depend what you want I guess... but relationships should always be 50-50, remember that.

Where's Mazzmeister when you need her?

[Deftones-argentina]

Jacob, as Law said, 50 & 50. If you don't get for 50 back my recommendation is to calm down. This is the same as with good bassists: You'll be noted when you aren't present rather than when you are (it's an abstract metaphor, I hope you got it. Think about Incubus's old bassist and you might get it)


by the way, congrats for a new beginning travis!!!
As for me, my band is starting to have some success, and as a consecuence a few girls have been showing some clear interest in me (and that includes a ciber-"pornstar" who is a friend of my best friend's GF, cool as fuck. Still I'm more about loving than fucking.)