The Ask Trey/WWTD Thread!

[Variable]

Why do men have nipples?

Because it makes it easier to make men into transexuals

I'm lacking in Rohypnol hookups, bro.

OK. Look, you don't REALLY need Rohypnol to rape a bitch. Ketamine works great too. Don't forget that DXM ( a common over-the-counter cough medicine) is in the exact same drug category as Ketamine and PCP. Enough of ANY of these drugs will render a woman defenseless and allow you to have your way with her (felonies included)

Now, Josh, being a man your your particular medical condition. I might recommend Ambien and also  high powered narcotics. You can easily argue to a Doctor that you can't sleep because of pain and you need ambien or Trazadone. You give a girl enough of these drugs, and shes out for a while (although will probably remember everything so wear a mask). Narcotics might also be enough.

Also just 100mg of plain benedril might do the trick. It will make her REALLY sleepy, and mixed with alcohol.....might just do it.

Which brings me to my next drug....alcohol. If you can't get a girl wasted and get her to either A.) have sex with you or B.) pass out drunk so that you can rape her.....you need to ask me a whole different series of questions.

Golden rule though, DON'T rape anyone. Chicks hate that.

Also, this is a GREAT quote taken straight from my mouth. Although I might have said "Don't get caught raping anyone. Chicks hate that."

Remember boys and girls. Nothing is wrong unless you get caught. So rape on....cautiously. and women, don't you dare call me an ass hole. I will help you rape men too......starting with me

[Variable]

INCOMING WALL OF TEXT.

Time for you to give advice to a dude that is a full retard around girls.

I've been kicking it with this girl for a month or so now. She's super cute and super rad. I've totes got the hots for her and whatnot. She's an awesome drinking buddy.

So on the 4th of July she drunk texted me and basically said she straight up wants to bang me. Every time we've hung out since then, there's been this ridiculous sexual tension between us and of course, I'm too awkward and beta to make a move. On top of that, she's been trying not to bang anybody at all because of crazy girl reasons. So there's been this whole "will we or won't we fuck" game that's been going on for almost a month.

Fast forward to day before yesterday, we're drinking 4lokos on my balcony and pulling shenanigans as usual. Only it feels really weird to me. Like she's sending me mad signals that she wants to bang. So I'm somewhat taken aback by this and begin summoning up the courage to make a move. Eventually the conversation, of course, ends up pretty much being entirely about sex, a topic of conversation that I'm all sorts of confident in. I get to a point of feeling like a total alpha male and I'm thinking "fuck yeah, I'm bouts to get my bone on" and I'm completely ready to make some sort of move. Suddenly the conversation turns to her talking about how her roommate wants to fuck her, but she wants to fuck her other roommate. Then she starts going on about why she wants to fuck this guy and I totally lose all confidence in how I was reading everything.

Anyway, she gets tired and bails and I drunkenly text her something like "Bro, don't send so many mixed signals plz, kthx"

Turns out she was sending me signals...I just took too long to gain the confidence to make a pass at her. She gave up on that happening. Of course I then fall into "I've got no game, I suck at girls" mode and bum out for the rest of the night.

So she comes over again last night. I'm thinking "Alright, I'm not going to fuck it up again. I'm going to fucking do something about this". We get all sorts of trashed and shit. So we're just sitting on my balcony, drunkenly bullshitting about nothing in particular and then there's this awkward silence, so I say something along the lines "so...wanna make out?" because I am a huge idiot and don't know how to approach girls. It was fucking easy with my ex.

Anyway, she said no. So then I just get all fucking confused and weird, no fucking idea what the fuck she wants from me. A couple of awkward conversations and a sudden and random, awkward cuddling session later, she bails for home. Later on she tells me that she only wanted me to make a move the other day because she didn't feel any of that sexual tension. In my drunken stupor I accuse her of playing headgames with me and tell her that if she wants to be pals, I'm not gonna stand for that bullshit. Which is true. I don't fuck around with people that are gonna mess with my head. Friends, people I want to bone...whatever, I don't stand for that crap.

So, Trey. HOW DO I GIRLS?

Seriously though, how to make a move in a non-asinine way and should I stop putting up with bullshit with this girl and drop her, or what? She's a rad friend, but this shit is totally fucking with my perception of our relationship.

Also, I haven't gotten laid in 4 months which is a large portion of my utter retardation right now. I'm incredibly sexually frustrated. To go from sex multiple times a day with my ex, to no sex at all has been horrendously hard.

We get all sorts of trashed and shit. So we're just sitting on my balcony, drunkenly bullshitting about nothing in particular and then there's this awkward silence, so I say something along the lines "so...wanna make out?" because I am a huge idiot and don't know how to approach girls. It was fucking easy with my ex.

I need some answers from Trey here too haha.This is basically my problem as well. I have HUGE problems sealing the deal and making the transition. I've used variations of "so, you wanna make out or something" and I have about a 20% success rate with that shit.  I'm a real charmer.

Ok, this is a much harder question to answer. Mainly because ALL men face this issue at one point or the other, and I don't mind admitting that I was a slow learner here too.

Josh:
You face not only this common problem. But a more selective problem of your own. I'm going to guess that this girl is young. If not in age, at least life experience. Right now she is going through here "yay! daddy let me go and now I'm a woman" phase. Even though she is still a little girl.

Here is the thing about the womens rights movement.  They got their wishes, but don't have a fucking clue what to do with it.  They love chivalry and men taking charge, in some cases. But hate it when they feel like men are implying that women need them or that they need men to take care of them.

This places the modern man in a complicated spot when he is looking to fuck. Do you show them respect? Or do you have your way with them?

Well, the whole womens rights thing is philosophical. Women needing men to dominate them is primal. So which one do you think? Any true equal and independent women would be just as willing to make the first move as a man. But what did the very women in this thread say? hu? what did they say? Practically "have your way with us, it's the only way we get turned on."

lol woh woh woh independent ladies, that doesn't sound like a Beyonce song to me. But thats the point. They want their cake and they want to eat it too. But they can't.

Long story short (to josh), that bitch sounds like a psycho, you should probably leave her for good (even as a friend). But at the same time, you might not want to let her get away with her games and you might just want to ass fuck her before you let her hit the road (check my rape advice)

Now, to all men who have a hard time closing the deal. You really do just have to accept that you have to take charge. JUST FUCKING DO IT. Trust me guys, ive been there. It's way worse to be in this vulnerable spot that your in now than to be rejected when you try. Chances are, she will at least kiss you for a few seconds. If nothing else, you got a kiss. If she says no, who fucking cares? go find a different girl. That will probably make the first girl jealous anyways; then she will want to fuck.

the moral of the story is, make a move. DONT ASK! Fucking never do that. but also DONT CARE! Don't care whether she wants to or not. Just try it. If she is cool with it, then cool. If not, then fuck her slutty-ugly-stupid ass anyways. Then move on to the next victim. You are men, spread your seed. Don't get caught up on one bitch.

[Variable]

Oh, and to everyone trying to give advice in my thread FUCK OFF. This is my thread, create your own thread if you want one. Ill have you banned for going off topic if you continue that shit.

[spitfire]

Should i stay or should i go now?

[Necrocetaceanbeastiality]

Trey...I think I'm in love with you.

[Variable]

Should i stay or should i go now?

Stay

Trey...I think I'm in love with you.

I love you too

[pissedandpierced]

My boyfriend and I have a sex issue. Like many women I don't cum during intercourse and my boyfriend thinks I'm not enjoying it cos I have this bored look on my face (apparently its a total turn off for guys) and he thinks that its cool for me to wank him off and there's no point in us getting down to it because apparently I don't enjoy it. I have explained that I do enjoy it and its more about the intimacy and closeness not about squirting everywhere. I started to think that he find's me to be a monster and I actually cried the other night. He's really affectionate towards me and I know he cares, should I just rape him?

[chick de la lynch]

After reading this thread I've learned that rape is the answer to all of life's problems.

[Variable]

After reading this thread I've learned that rape is the answer to all of life's problems.

YES. You get it. That makes me happy.

My boyfriend and I have a sex issue. Like many women I don't cum during intercourse and my boyfriend thinks I'm not enjoying it cos I have this bored look on my face (apparently its a total turn off for guys) and he thinks that its cool for me to wank him off and there's no point in us getting down to it because apparently I don't enjoy it. I have explained that I do enjoy it and its more about the intimacy and closeness not about squirting everywhere. I started to think that he find's me to be a monster and I actually cried the other night. He's really affectionate towards me and I know he cares, should I just rape him?

OK. This is very complicated. I'm actually going to attempt to take this serious and not joke.

1st) You need to cum during intercourse:
       Dont accept this bull-shit notion that women dont cum when they have a dick inside of them. I made my GF cum more times than she can count on one hand tonight. Maybe only one of those times was with anything else but my cock. This isn't because I'm special. It's because my girl knows what shes doing. Which brings me to my next point.

2nd) YOU make YOU cum, not the man. Everyone knows that guys suck in bed. It's just a fact. WE DON'T FUCKING CARE if you guys get off. I mean, we kind of do. We say we do, we act like we do, and we even mean it in a really small way. But ultimately, we just want to cum inside a dark, warm, and wet hole. Thats all that REALLY matters to us. Your pussy, your mouth, your ass, my flesh-light....whatever. Thats all we want.
          So why would you rely on us to give you and orgasm? USE OUR COCKS! Don't actually try to please us. Just get on top, do what feels good to you, have an orgasm, and then lay on your back for the 15 seconds it takes him to cum.
My point here is, if you're not having orgasms during sex, its your fault. You need to get on top, ride him, and do what feels good to you. Sex isn't about intimacy,  its about orgasms. Get yours, because he can get his without you, very easily.

3rd) get your clit pierced. I'm being serious too. My GF has hers pierced and she cums like a dog after I beat it and yell "get the fuck over here you fucking mutt!"

Seriously though. There are some deep-seated issues here. You SHOULD cum during sex. Everyone knows that younger women don't necessarily cum during sex, but I have had multiple partners that do. It's a mind game for you women. So you need to tell him that his insecurities turn you off. That you want him to act like a man and have some confidence. That you are never going to cum for a sissy boy who is scared about his sexual performance. Tell him that you would cum all over his cock if he would just treat you like a 1-night-stand that he didn't care about, then kiss you and tell you that he laved you when it was over.

Another good rule is that if it feels good for him, it doesn't feel all THAT good for you. And vice-versa. Get on top and do what feels good for you. It will be ok for him, but not great. Get yours, then let him get his. Whatever he does, probably wont be great for you, but it will be OK. This is reality, not a porno. Don't forget that.
Tell him that if he wants to make you cum, he should remember: If it feels really good to him, she probably doesn't like it. If it is boring and almost horrible for him, she is probably LOVING it. (thats a good life lesson in general)

Also, tell him to grow some balls. You're never going to cum if you think he is  being all insecure and emotional. Tell him that, above all, women love confidence. He just needs to accept that woment don't really like having sex with men. It's just something they do because god;nature;society;or their slut genes, told them to. And women ALWAYS listen to a voice of confidence and authority.

[spitfire]

your doctor Phil

[Variable]

Why, thank you Sir.

You're an ass hole for editing post.

[downtownpony]

I've done some research but haven't really found anything. Just wondering if you know how to pass an ETG Urine analysis test by tmrw morning if I drank last night? Only 4 small beers.

[Variable]

http://www.erowid.org/chemicals/alcohol/alcohol_testing.shtml
http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/addictions/how-do-pass-etg-alcohol-test-198543.html

I think you're kind of walking a fine line with this one. I don't really know a whole lot about this particular kind of drug test. But it appears that you're probably going to be fine. 48 hours seems to be enough time (even though they are saying 72-80 hours just to be sure)
But its really about how much you drank. So I think you will be fine.

Still do the usual hydrating and stuff though. I kind of pride myself in all the ways I know to beat a drug test. So if you're really worried about it, let me know and I will make a longer post. If not, then I wont waste my time, because it will be a long one.

[spitfire]

You're an ass hole for editing post.

joking

[downtownpony]

My test yesterday came out diluted because I drank to much water. It would have been clean though.  I think I'm going to go in tomorrow and try and piss diluted again, so I  can have the weekend to clear out. I was just wondering if you knew of any sure way to flush those metabolites quicker? From what I've read water doesn't help because they're in your blood. That shit is 40$ a test.

[Variable]

You want to always do two things when you try to dilute.

1. Take a multivitamin or drink an energy drink: Some test will come back as diluted based of color alone. If the urine is crystal clear, then they will want another one. So, seeing as how too many vitamins turn your urine that yellowish color,its a way to beat this.

2. Eat lots of red meats the day before the test. This will raise your creatine level (one of the things they check for to see if your urine has been diluted, its really a lot more complicated than that, but trust me) so that helps too.

And unless I'm way off here, it looks like this test is still performed though a urine sample? So regardless of what is in your blood or not (it really comes down from the break down of liver enzymes), dilution still works if you're giving a urine sample. It's not THE BEST way or a guaranteed way, but it does work. It could dilute a level down to be less than positive, you just have to take measures to keep your specific gravity up and the color right.

But this test sounds pretty shady anyways. Like I said, this is really the first that I have read into this specific test, but it looks like a lot of people have issue with it. Say your OCD about oral hygiene and you use Scope 10 times a day, and you have a cold so you have been taking nyquil to go to sleep.

[downtownpony]

Awesome man. Thanks for coming through. By the way I'm just assuming that I'm taking a ETG test because I am on probation for DWI. If it's broader urinalysis that test for multiple things than I should be good. I've tried looking into what kind of test I'm taking but haven't found anything.

[Variable]

It sounds like those ETG test are expensive and less common. So you might be good. I asked a couple people who have had to take alcohol test for the same reason and they said they have never heard of anyone taking an ETG. But I guess it all depends on where you live.

[lukas989]

A fairly run of the mill q this - but Im just curious as to your fave bands outside of the obvious (the 'tones) and the one band Ive seen you mention (Isis).  Apologies for the lack of meatiness...I'll endeavour to muster up something moreso in the near future.

[blixa]

TREY

i've met someone quite awesome but he makes me so nervous that i can't look him in the eyes. what do i do?