Electronically Transmitted Diseases

[Atomic]

Electronically Transmitted Diseases or ETDs, are a group of physcial and psychological ailments that have been identified as being spread through use of the internets. The wide range of illness has been present for 30 years, but has recently reached pandemic proportions. Not all ETDs pose serious threats to the public, but some can be quite devastating. It is expected that within the next 5 years that everyone on the planet will have an ETD, or will personally know someone who does. Internet Disease is the most widely know example of ETD.

Himpes
Himpes is a mutated strain of Herpes and is spread when a internet user becomes ensnared in an internets trap. There is no cure for Himpes, it is forevar. This strain is not widespread due to the severly limited sexual activity of most netizens. If you contract this disease, the only option available for treatment is offered by Dr. Jack Kevorkian.

Persistent Argumentative State
This disease arises from constant flaming, edit-warring, and forum participation. The habit of disputing every minor detail slowly spreads to IRL. This condition is considered a gateway disease because symptoms of other ETDs will go unnoticed due to the fact that no one in the real world is willing to associate with you. Physical symptons include a marked increase in scrapes, cuts and bruises that results from constant IRL ass-kickings. Diarhhea of the mouth occurs in typical cases, which requires the victim to have someone rip them a new asshole to alleviate the extreme pressures caused by being completely full of shit. A current hot spot for this condition is wikipedia. The only way to stop the occurence of PAS is to quarrantine the entire wikipedian community and apply a Hades Bomb directly to the source. STFU fails to cure this disease and often time only induces the victim to bury their head in the sand and begin talking out of their ass. If you come into contact with someone in this condition you should 'pull the plug' as quickly as possible.

Wiki Break with Reality
This psychological conditions occurs when someone commits every waking hour to spreading vast amounts of misinformation via the wikipedia. The victim is unable to determine fact from fiction. Victims are also found to committ acts of Idle Worship. This condition is technically a syndrome, as it is the result of multiple diseases. Dyslexia, Brackets, Dangling Particple, conjunctionitis and drama dependency all are factors that contribute to the overall condition. People suffering from this disease are very difficult to treat as they require that you produce supporting citations for everything that you say. The only effective way to bring someone back from wikiworld is to perform a Complete Personality Transplant. CPTs are potentially fatal so it is a win-win situtation.
Dangling Participle can be effectively treated with an application of Prepostion-H, which will reduce the swollen run-on sentences employed by the victim in an effort to appear credible.

Multiple Personality Disorder
A person who is constantly employing sockpuppets will eventually be unable to distinguish when reality is occuring. The disease is actually beneficial to the public as the victims are usually quite content to stay in seclusion and entertain themselves. Sock Puppet Bi-polarism occurs when two of the puppets become so entrenched in their pitching/catching roles that the victim no longer knows, or cares, what their intentions are. Severe physical harm is possible when a MPD is interacting with the public, as they are so used to a strength-in-numbers they forget that they do not have any back-up. Real world people are not intimidated by your avatar's fangs, scars and laser-eyes.

Common Symptoms
Some symptoms can be representative of many different ETDs. They go largely unnoticed as society has completely shunned the carriers of such diseases.

-Extreme paleness of skin. This is often accompanied by a transparent personality.
-Permanent ocular glaze.
-No longer their speech coherent is.
-Fingers have been worn down to the first knuckle.
-The constant use of back doors.
-Frequently trying to start conversations with house plants.

[fireflyry]

Reminds me of:

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/