A FLUKE'S FLUSHING WAKE

[NicholasHume]

I'm in English at University of Toronto - and for my Canadian Poetry class we are occasionally assigned homework in the form of poetry. This time, we had to write about blood from either a male or a female perspective. My goal when I started was to make an adaptation-of-sorts of Knife Prty (and I use lyrics as an epigram). Feel free to criticize the fuck out of this, I'm used to it:

A FLUKE'S FLUSHING WAKE

"Go get your knife! Go get your knife!" – Deftones, Knife Prty (2000)

***
The evening took a sharp sanguinary turn before the
Witnesses' wine-stained smiles had a chance to change.
I felt the aura-warmth of the room blanket my being,
And then came the red rush realization of my ruptures.
I had been thrice hacked in the back with a fugubiki blade
By a stranger. An anemic woman slurred into my shadow,
And pierced me with three skeleton-scraping kisses.
An obelisk of magnolia-wood, grooved and obsidian,
Stood in my spine. I slumped to the shag, moaning.
The slanted steel in conjunction with the angle of incision
Caused the full force of the sticky flood to pinwheel:
A blossoming juggernaut swallowed the party.

[DeftonesNZ]

Pretty good reminds of some weird cult party where everyone's just cutting each other good imagery, end bits a bit confusing though needs to be tidied up a bit like how it just sort of jumps form the lady slicing you 3 times to having something in your spine no description of how it got there or who did it doesn't really go with the imagery created when you say "Skeleton scraping kisses" I imagine a slicing motion and then it jumps to having something fully stabbed in, probably not explaining myself very well lol

[NicholasHume]

It's the black knife handle sticking out of his back.

[DeftonesNZ]

It's the black knife handle sticking out of his back.

Yea i get that but to me it doesn't match the imagery created it sounds like she just slicing his back quickly when you say kisses i imagine in and out not lingering like if you put something after that bit like "She then punctuated with a final death kiss"
and then had  "An obelisk of magnolia-wood, grooved and obsidian,now Stood in my spine"

[NicholasHume]

Perhaps if I changed "kisses" to "blows" & "stood" to "stuck"

[NicholasHume]

A FLUKE'S FLUSHING WAKE

"Go get your knife! Go get your knife!" – Deftones, Knife Prty (2000)

***
The evening took a sharp sanguinary turn before the
Witnesses' wine-stained smiles had a chance to change.
I felt the aura-warmth of the room blanket my being,
And then came the red rush realization of my ruptures.
I had been thrice hacked in the back with a fugubiki blade
By a stranger. An anemic woman slurred into my shadow,
And pierced me with three skeleton-scraping blows.
An obelisk of magnolia-wood, grooved and obsidian,
Stuck in my spine. I slumped to the shag, moaning.
The slanted steel in conjunction with the angle of incision
Caused the full force of the sticky flood to pinwheel:
A blossoming juggernaut swallowed the party.

[DeftonesNZ]

Yeah that makes a bit more sense i like kissing idea but you have to put something like a lingering last kiss or something to make it clear she's left it in, Also that "By a stranger" bit sort of breaks up the momentum looks like an afterthought maybe if it was something like
"I had been thrice hacked in the back by a stanger wielding a fugubiki blade" it might flow better.But i like your writing style some good alliterations used, like the "Witnesses wine stained smile" line , your descriptive language creates a real good imagery i developed a clear picture in my head pretty fast i saw like a dark room with people just tripping balls sort like a tribe dancing around a fire but the narrator is in place of the fire being surrounded by people being randomly hacked at don't though if that's what you meant but that's what I saw.Good writing though my sort of style love dark poetry would be interested to read more.