joke of the day

[wax]

what do you call a mexican doing good? manwell

a priest and rabbi get deserted on an island. one day they spot a young naked boy on the beach. the priest tells the rabbi, 'we should screw him!' the rabbi replies, 'out of what?!'

[Necrocetaceanbeastiality]

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?




None, because vegans can't change anything. Or the alternate punchline. 301, 1 to change the lightbulb and 300 to protest the waste of energy.

[derekautomatica]

Here's a Disney one...

So Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce...mind you they live in California so it's nothing out of the ordinary. The judge looks at Mickey and says "Now Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie for being silly. It just doesn't make sense." Mickey sighs and looks up at the judge and says "No, she's not silly shes FUCKING Goofy."

ha....

[nintendoXO]

Whats the difference between Roast beef and pea soup..?



















Anyone can roast beef but no one can pee soup!

[Penicks]

why are aspirins white




















they work

[tarkil]

why are aspirins white




















they work

Ha ha ha ah !

[wax]

Two blondes were going to Disneyland .  They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT.  They started crying and turned around and went home.

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ??'

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the 
mechanic it died.  After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 
She says, 'What's the story?' 
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. 
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. 
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'

There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' 
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. 
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' 
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' 
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'  The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. 
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

[Variable]

I actually hadn't hear a couple of those.  Not bad. 

[Variable]

Daaaaaaaam

[BillyNo.9]

sorry if this has been posted here before...

A little boy hears his a noise coming from his parents room, so he goes to check it out. To his horror he see's his father jack hammering his mother. He runs away screaming.
His mother forces his father  to go and explain what was happening, so the father goes to his sons room, only to find the little boy having sex with his grandmother. The father, disgusted, starts yelling at the boy, so the boy turns to his dad and says  "Not so funny when it's your mother, is it"   

[sing blue silver]

here's one a customer told me at work that i'd never heard before:

a guy goes to a motel to get a room for the night. he walks up to the clerk and says "i hope your porn channel is disabled" to which she replies, "you're one sick bastard".

[devilinside]

I heard that one the other day,how odd.

[Variable]

It would have been better if the clerk was in a wheel chair

[BillyNo.9]

The clerk thinks he wants porn with disabled people in it

[lukas989]

Theres a book recently released about a selfish opera singer called 'Me, Me, Me'.

[Oldnewtype]

"You ever see the movie 'Constipated'?"
"Nah, is it good?"
"I don't know, it never came out."